I want to be a good father to my kids.  I want to be a provider.  I want to have enough financial security that I can pay my bills without living in fear of the next shutoff.  I realize right now I’m “lucky” to even have a job, let alone one that pays so well, but with child support and all, it still never seems like I have enough.  I manage, but I still stress a lot.  I want to move out of the city.  I want to move out onto twenty or more acres of land, preferably with a large pond or a stream running through it.  I want a cozy little geodesic dome.  I want a warm house, a cozy house, something with hardwood floors, soft plushy or fuzzy rugs, overstuffed furniture, and lots of pillows and blankets.  I want a kitchen that serves as the heart of the home, I want to be able to cook and bake.  I want to have fun grocery shopping, laughing the whole time.  I want lots of houseplants, and interesting art.  I want a space for books, for reading on a cold winter night, a fireplace, a small cat.  I want a collection of blank leatherbound books, and interesting pens.  I want somebody to share all this with.  I want to love freely, from the heart and not the head.  I want to have somebody that I can’t get close enough too, who I want to share my feelings with without having to be prompted by them first.  I want to make love every night, every morning, and every afternoon.  I want the freedom to explore my sexuality with somebody that feels the same way.  I want to spend my evenings crafting, reading a book, taking a walk, or chatting with that certain someone… I don’t care if it’s about nothing at all, idle chatter or deeply intelligent debates.  I want to travel and see Ireland, Australia, England, EVERYWHERE.  I want to have a place to come back to when my wanderlust wanes.  I want to be challenged to grow more every day.  I don’t want to settle for mediocrity.  I want to live my life freely, and not out of obligation.  I want a space to be quiet in, to share a communion with the gods.  I want to grow spiritually on my own and with my family.  I want a partner that can look at the positive, and not only at the negative, like I used to have.  I want to always make my partner feel beautiful and loved.  I want to give myself fully to her.  I want to have that returned, freely, because she loves me that much, and not because she thinks that’s what I want.  I want to kiss her with all my love and passion no matter who’s watching, no matter where we are.  I want to be greeted after work with love and excitement that I’m home.  I want somebody with passion, with interests, who wants to share mine out of a desire to be close, and not just because “that’s what you do”.  I don’t want to have to drag somebody along with me, having to convince them to come.  I want to be taken care of when I’m sick, built up when I’m sad.  I want to be a rock for somebody, and have them be one for me in return.  I want a real partner, a twin flame, a soulmate, in EVERY sense of the word.  I want to be equals with somebody, and not just trying to make them happy.  I don’t want to be with somebody because that’s what I should do, but because I WANT to be with them, because of how I feel for them and because of how they make me feel.  I want to hold somebody close every night as we drift off to sleep, and I want to wake up every morning gazing into a pair of gorgeous, lovely green eyes.  I want the uncertainty of the future, the happy of the present.  I want the strength to use my memories as a pleasant way to grow, instead of dragging me into depression.  I want to be happy.  I want to love,  I want to live, I want to laugh.  I want my family to be complete.  I want good coffee, good food, and great sex.  I want it all.  I want to grab life by the hand and run with it.  I want to run naked through the fields with my soulmate.  I want the true love I have seen, and that I believe in.  I want … I want the completeness I’ve seen, but haven’t gotten to embrace yet.  I want that.  I want my hopes and dreams and beliefs, I want what I have spent over the past year and a half building and working towards. 

*shrugs*