Enabling Ourselves
Sat ,20/02/2010I have a confession this morning. I have NOT been sleeping well lately. Whether it’s due to the general poverty I’m experiencing currently, my emotional highs and lows, or my struggle with smoking cessation, I find that while I’m going to bed at reasonable times (pre 11:00pm as opposed to 2am), that I’m consistantly waking up at 3-4am. Which wouldn’t be so bad, if I could fall back asleep after that. Once my eyelids open past halfway, my ability to fall back asleep vanishes.
I really can’t discount the importance of sleep to my well being. I always joke that sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine, but really, no. Sleep and a good diet are IMPERATIVE to our mental and emotional health. And it’s really hard to get that sleep when you are consumed with worry and fear. I sleep the best when my emotional and mental health are already in peak shape, when I feel safe, when I feel warm and loved, and when I let my expectations go. Comfortable and content in the present. Last winter and spring, I spent a lot of time in positions where I would sleep like a BABY. Gotta admit, having that right person to hold as we drifted off helped a lot too, hehe.
Anyways, so I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m living on charity at the moment. Having some hard days. Trying to quit smoking. I’ve cheated here and there on that front. Which ends up making me feel guilty, I feel like I’m letting everyone else, and especially myself, down. It’s a shitty feeling. Guilt. Thankfully nobody is externally adding to my guilt, but I still have quite a bit over this internally. Sure I’m at 5 or 6 a day as opposed to my pack and more, but. I’m better than this right? I shouldn’t be so weak.
Why are we always so hard on ourselves? We talk great games about positive thought, intent, action, etc. But we often let our guilt and negativity inside of us stand in the way of realizing our true potential, our abilities to be happy. Why do we so often act as our own worst enemies?
And even if we can work on that, we often let those around us add to those negative frames of mind. I’ve heard a million times from several people that nobody can make us feel negative emotions without our permission. And I’ve seen just as many cases where these same people, hell, all of us, continue to let others contribute to those negative emotions, or enable us to do so. We sit here and say, “I hope nobody messes with me today, I want to be happy.”
Why do we give others advice we don’t believe enough to follow ourselves?
Maybe this is just part of being human. We ARE social creatures after all, and to some extent I think we’ll always seek validation in others. We start out believing we are amazing and special, and we grow that or lose that through the opinions of others. No matter how much I tell myself that I don’t care what anybody else thinks, I DO. I really do care what other people think. I try not to let it effect me, but I do care.
Perhaps this is why it’s so necessary to surround oneself with supportive people. To help us learn again to see for ourselves how special and wonderful we really are. There are times in our lives, especially in the middle of the greatest traumas, where this is not only a good idea, but absolutely essential. If we surround ourselves with people that don’t support our decisions, who have nothing but negativity to give us, and who can’t respect what makes us happy, then we put ourselves in a position to begin believing that. To start giving up in ourselves, and to start conforming to their views. By giving them permission to treat us this way, they give us permission to destroy ourselves.
Conversely, by surrounding ourselves with people that are positive and respectful, who despite our decisions understand that we make them out of a need for what’s best for us, by giving them permission to let us feel good about ourselves, we give ourselves permission to see ourselves as the beautiful and wonderful people we always knew and hoped we are.
Something to think about this morning. I hope everybody’s weekends are off to a great start!