I had been inspired recently to write a post about the masculine side of divinity. For all the talk of two equal forces in the Pagan, or specifically, Wiccan circles, a Lord and a Lady, it’s almost impossible to find any real info on the masculine side of things. For some of us, that’s what speaks the loudest. The masculine side of things seems to get a lot of lip service, because by and large, the feminine side is what’s speaking the loudest for most. That’s fine, but … there’s an almost imperceptible air around this that’s well…. emasculating. Many people coming to Paganism came because of the Christian church’s stance on women, and a feel for a need to be able to embrace the feminine, and honor it. They came seeking balance, and instead embrace only the feminine, or so it seems to me. While contemplating all this, I felt moved to post. In a strange bout of synchronicity, at the same time, so have some others. Gus Dizerga over at A Pagan’s Blog tackles a post on this subject (here), as does Hecate in a post over (here). I could just leave things as they stand, as the both have excellent views and points, but… I’m still compelled to write up my own understanding of the divine masculine. I’m focusing here on ONLY the masculine side, and as such, am not going to spend my time comparing and contrasting with the feminine side, or trying to spare anybody’s feelings because of how I might be perceived. If I offend, it’s not my intent. This is one side only, as I perceive it, and so, here is my first and last apology on this post.
Most people anymore, when they hear the words “masculine”, “male” or “men”, have associations of the fallen male. The one given to excess, to rowdiness, to coarse and disrespectful behavior, the rapist, the misogynist, the uncouth. As sad as it makes me, that does indeed seem to be the case with a large number of men. Perhaps this is the masculinity society has come to expect. Turn on the tv and watch any commercial dealing with a male/female interaction, and by and large we’re portrayed as bumbling brutes, stupid and juvenile, self-absorbed. This is the message we’re sending the future generations of men. “You are stupid, nobody expects you to do more than watch Nascar, drink beer, grill out, and be an insensitive prick. Live it up, you can be a little boy forever.” Ok… so maybe that’s what masculinity is viewed as now. Maybe it’s what we’ve come to expect from the ill-fitted representatives of this gender. We take the weakest denominator, and make it the standard to base all men off of.
What I wanted to talk about though, is the DIVINE masculine. The ideal. The masculinity that many of us embrace and embody, try to live and emulate. A masculinity that has been handed down to us by REAL men, the so-called good ones that everybody wants to believe in, but we’re all too jaded to see. Divinity is something we aspire towards, and instead of brushing it under the rug so we can nurse our feelings of injustice at the hands of the fallen male, we should be embracing it, and using that as the example of what we should aspire towards. Gus had a good point that we’ve turned the masculine into a gelded male. A male that embraces all the feminine qualities, while denying himself the more uncomfortable aspects of masculinity. This isn’t right either. It’s just honoring the feminine under a different guise, it in fact, tells us that it’s NOT OK to be male. And that’s not what the divine masculine is about. The divine masculine isn’t a Horned God that has been castrated and put out to pasture. The divine masculine IS masculine, in raw, concentrate form. When one confronts that form, one often experiences a rising panic, terror, an almost unbearable galloping of the heart that makes the blood pound, and you know, even AS a masculine male, it can be pretty intimidating.
I’m getting off track. What exactly does masculinity mean? What is the ideal then, if not a gentle male that does what it’s told and denies itself?
In the interests of a little background, I have never really fit into the mold of tthe “typical” male that society likes to present us. I was never “one of the guys.” I didn’t ever really get the strong attraction to sports, to the point of forming strong connections with certain teams, treating statistics and accomplishments as quasi-religions. I never really chased every girl I could, anxious to sleep with anybody with a pretty face or give myself that way without love. I have to admit that while the idea of casual sex is definitely arousing, the reality of it leaves me feeling cold and empty. I am not afraid of commitment, I welcome it. I get along better with women, even if a pretty face can leave me tongue tied and babbling. I’m shy, though I try not to let it show. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions show, and they are strong. Growing up, that was a source of amusement for others brought up to conform the societal standard of maledom. I learned to hide my emotions as well. I embraced my feminine side, and shunned my masculine, finding the definition of it unappealing, ashamed. Then one day, Herne found me, and I opened my eyes.
To any of those reading, that have had chance to come face-to-face with Herne, or Cernunnos (to me they are one in the same), you probably know that his presense is prefaced with a rising sense of unease, or fear, or even panic. There is so much power there, so much raw essense, that one finds it hard to remain open, the urge to cover ones eyes or turn away or close off can be overwhelming. It is hard to face him. He is powerful, awesome and awe-inspiring. He is sexual, and confident, and he can make your blood boil and your knees quiver. There are no filters to the raw, concentrated maleness of him, and it is intimidating. It is terrifying. But it is never threatening. While in his glory he may appear strongly, he also has love and compassion, and can be comforting. He merely IS, as fully as can be, there are no filters to what he is or what he has to say. He can be cold, and hard, and what he has to say can be brutal, but it’s not delivered with malice or contempt. He merely acknowledges things as they are, and deals with them as such. In my experience he isn’t one to mince words, or go into long diatribes, but instead gets to the point, quickly and honestly, using as few words as possible. He is confident, serene, full of purpose, of passion, possessed of poise, comfort in himself, determined and resolute. Not for him are the vague answers or broad general sweeping statements, but fact, cold, hard, uncut. He is the hunter, and he is the hunted. He has understanding of his quarry, compassion and even love, and as such is successful in his endeavors. He is able to also strike when the need is true, without fear or hesitation. He will strike true, swiftly and with grim purpose, if the need is required, with the same compassion and love. And compassion and love aren’t always fluffy bunny rabbits and rainbows. Sometimes that compassion and love are the stern words, the hard expression, the no nonsense, unfiltered truth, with no punches pulled. He is animal, he is man, he is God, and he’s not an easy God to face.
So, that’s all well and good, but still … what IS masculinity? It’s more than a set of external and frequently unreliable organs. It’s more than copious body hair and strong musky odors. That’s just a physiological description. To me, masculinity is raw. It’s a driving force, a terrible sense of purpose and power, but with compassion and love behind that power to guide it. Masculinity carries with it an undeniable sexual urge. Masculinity is the courage and compassion to be master over ones’ self, to exercise self control, to be able to follow through with purpose, conviction and determination. It carries with it great responsibility, for masculinity is also passionate and violent. When the moment comes there exists a power that can explode with blinding intensity, and this is where a lot of us fall down. It can be very difficult to control, but it is there. It’s part of the package, and as such, is beautiful, when used correctly, not something to be ashamed of. It is something that is held in reserve for when it is needed. The fear comes from so many lacking that self control. Masculinity is visual and visceral, it’s very hands on, it exists more clearly in one’s outward actions than in one’s emotions. This doesn’t discount the emotional aspects, we still feel, strongly and deeply. But divine masculinity rises above that with the strength and courage to operate and do what is right despite those distractions. It is about action, about being present. It is also warm, and loving. Masculinity is not afraid to commit, masculinity THRIVES on commitment, becomes itself more so through the act. It nurtures, it loves, it protects and provides. The urge to protect and provide is essential to masculinity, because of the depth and breadth of the roots of commitment and love it possesses. The masculine is a lover, a husband, and a father. Masculinity is also open, and honest. It is forthwright, and unfiltered in its attempts to communicate. The masculine strives to tell things as they are, plainly, without metaphor or worry of how it will be perceived. This can be hard to handle, by any of us, but it is also essential at times. Masculinity is not afraid to show emotion, or passion, but is also tempered by practicality. It is not afraid to take control when necessary. Masculinity has both a love of creation, and a love of destruction. Both at times are necessary. The masculine is not afraid of getting dirty, of standing knee deep in mud, or burying arms inside the bloody warm body of a slain animal, to remove the organs and harvest the meat when needed. Masculinity does what HAS to be done, silently, quietly, humbly, without complaint. Masculinity also thrives on recognition, on praise and thanks for the sacrifice of the hard job done, though it doesn’t expect any in return.
Ideally, this is masculinity, as I see it, even if I feel like I still haven’t explained it well enough. So many powerful tools it possesses, and so many chances for us to misuse them. Without our love and compassion, masculinity has a greater potential to be brutal and destructive. With the love and compassion, it is a duality of seeming opposides, working together to become more divine. To be able to destroy to create, instead of creating to destroy. To be able to be cold enough to live as we must beyond our most fevered emotions. To be tender enough to love fully, while being savage enough to love honestly.
Somehow I keep managing to get back up. It’s surprising at times, but I do.