I believe those who regularly comment are all in with their questions at this point, and I’m itching to answer!  First however, in a nod to the title of the previous post, I thought I would share the video for the song on which it was based.  From the 1956 film version of the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical, The King and I, the song and video for “Getting To Know You.”

And with that, on to the questions!

Erin asked: “Barring Neil Gaiman, because I already know what you think of him, what author, living or dead, would you like to be able to invite to dinner and have a discussion? Why?”

Ah Erin, my love of Neil Gaiman you know well!  But despite the fact that he’s one of my three favorite authors, the author I would MOST like to invite to dinner and have a discussion with would in fact be Patrick F. McManus.  In fact, it’s been a long standing life goal of mine to go fishing with him.  Pat McManus writes humorous articles and short stories about the outdoors, be they categorized as fishing, hunting, camping, etc.  His humorous take on everything from outdoor sport to childhood has always made me laugh, long and hard.  Through the humor however, there is a love of the outdoors that shines through, and meshes well with the same love I have held since my own childhood.  My father first introduced me to this author, and it’s been a long running “gag” that I get him a Pat McManus book every Christmas.  Sometimes I would even let him read the book first!  LOL.  For my money, there could be no higher honor, than a fishing trip with this wonderful author and outdoorsman.

Mary asked: “How did you decide on following the Celtic path? Had you had experiences with other paths prior?“

Good question!  I had little or no experience or knowledge with Paganism before a year or two, when I suddenly was introduced to the concept by somebody I had an enormous amount of love and respect for.  This forced me to really stop and look at the topic honestly.  At the time, she said I was one of the most truly Pagan people she had met, and in retrospect, she was right.  Prior to this time, I had begun to open the doors of my spirituality to the teachings of other faiths beyond Christianity, and was finding both similarities in the teachings, as well as other teachings that I found meshed well with my understanding of what was both good and divine.  After taking the time to open my ears and eyes to what Paganism was really about, I didn’t so much choose, as Herne/Cernunnos chose me.  I realize he’s not reliably a Celtic God in the terms of the Irish Celts, although there remains a question as to if he may be so to the Gaulish Celts.  I also adopted Brighid during this time, which explains the more Irish Celtic views.  I find the druidic love of nature and lore to fit really well with my own personality.  I feel a strong, deep affinity for the natural world, and this path seems to best represent and nurture that bond.  At the end of the day however, I don’t follow a strictly Celtic path.  It’s what I’m learning at the moment, but my personal path is actually an eclectic blend of Christianity, Buddhism, Paganism, Taoism, and will continue to grow and expand as time goes by.  I think the best term one could use to designate my path, would be a path of mysticism and divine spirituality.  I however, just choose to refuse to really label myself at all.

Moonwolf asked: “Of the four elements, which one are you most drawn to and why? Is there one, or does it change? If it changes, why?“

Another really good question, and one that I have been pondering since your comment hit.  I also have been considering adding the fifth element, of “Love” or “Spirit” or even, if you follow the Discworld series of books, “Surprise”.  Hehe.  But you’re asking about the more common four, Earth, Wind, Fire, and Water.  I think the element I am most drawn to is Fire.  There is something hypnotic and powerful about fire.  Its energy is readily felt, and is highly transformative.  I work well with fire, and have a deep and unyielding respect for it.  That said however, sometimes it seems as if Air is drawn strongly to me, often matching my moods and whims.  Soft playful breezes, gale force winds, I love them all.  Water has always kind of scared me.  I’m not a strong swimmer, and have a hard time with water.  However, when in its frozen state, I love and work well with water.  Earth of course, is one that is always there, and is so necessary I barely even notice.  Burying my toes in the sand, and enjoying all the gifts that grow from Earth.  So yes, I suppose my favorite changes, depending on which element I am currently facing.  I love them all, and I think this really helps balance and strengthen that fifth element inside of me, Spirit.

Mother Moon asked: “Besides people, what is the one thing that lifts your spirits most and why?“

One of the most uplifting things, besides people, in terms of my spirits, is something that is fast approaching.  For me, the Springtime is something I am STRONGLY connected to.  When the temperatures get into the 50’s, when the earth is damp, when the grass starts getting green, when the flowers start to poke out of the ground, when things start to grow, when the breeze plays across my face and tousles my hair, I experience such a state of euphoria that is nearly undescribable.  When Spring comes, I feel the most alive, the most energetic, the most positive and upbeat.  I walk around with a damned silly grin on my face, and I can’t concentrate on much at all except how fantastic I feel.  This is the time of year I most enjoy walking through the woods, welcoming nature as it comes back to life.  And I respond in kind, welcoming back life, vitality, positive energy.  For me, besides people, THIS is the thing in life that most makes my spirits sing.

Rue asked: “I would like to hear about the kids. What are they like? What do they like to do? Climb trees, tea parties, camping? What’s your favourite part of being a dad?“

I have two children.  A 5 year old son named Milo, and a 2 year old girl named Erin.  Milo is a serious sort of boy, though underneath this he has a silly and crazy side that can be rather … rambunctious at times.  So it is with ALL five year old boys though.  Erin is a model of calm and cheerful, except when she is tired.  She has always been the most peaceful of children, in terms of getting along with.  They both like playing outside, though Milo’s love of insects terrifies Erin.  Milo is insanely into dinosaurs, and knows more about them now than I ever did or probably ever will.  I tell him he should be a paleontologist when he grows up, and he agrees.  Erin has all the makings of a tom boy, though she also already has a major shoe fetish.  I don’t know where that comes from.  In a world of post divorce, the kids only really ever have each other on a constant basis, so while they get into their fair share of bickering and other assorted sibling rivalries, they are very close to each other.  I love them both to death, though of course, they can wear me down so fast.  I am trying to nurture more positive behaviors in them, and am looking forward to getting out the wagon and taking them on walks in the woods again.  It’s something my dad always did with us as kids, and is something I want to do for my children as well.  They’re both intelligent, and highly inquisitive.  Milo thrives on fact based information, and has had an astonishing vocabulary and grasp of word usage since he was very young.  Erin has a mind that is suited to complex problem solving skills with little information, and always amazes me with what she can figure out on her own.  My favorite part of being a dad, are the moments when the kids are well behaved, and attentive.  Receiving such a strength of love and adoration from my children, makes ANY and ALL of the more difficult parts totally worthwhile.  There is no greater feeling when one of them will come up to me out of the blue, give me a hug, and tell me how much they love me.  That’s really what makes parenting all worthwhile for me.

And so, with that, I’ve exhausted the questions for today.  Please feel free, any of you, new readers and old alike, to ask questions.  I found this experiment to be very uplifting and meaningful, and I enjoyed it a lot.  I hope you will too.  Now if you’ll all excuse me, there are some Jehovah’s Witnesses at my door, offering me even more literature to broaden my spiritual horizons with.  ;)  Wishing you all a blessed Saturday!

Why did I wake up so early? Perhaps it has something to do with retiring to bed so early as well. My children, when they are here, go to bed at 8:00pm. I wasn’t far behind.

So here I am, up before sunrise, up before those birds that are supposed to be catching their worms. Not that I can blame them, it’s hard to find worms under several inches of snow. What does one do with this sort of time? I realize some people get up this early almost every day, people have to work all sorts of schedules. I’m not among the employed, so where’s my excuse?

Sure, in another hour, hour and a half, I’ll be waking the kids up, making sure they get dressed and have breakfast, before I take my son to school. I’m taking some time to write here, but… something more.

This morning I’m being called. Called to by something more beautiful than birdsong, on a sense that’s more elusive than hearing. Something beyond sight, touch, taste or smell as well. I feeling, a need, a longing to greet the day. To stand facing east, to welcome the sun, to watch his slow ascent over the horizon, bringing life and color back into the world. Compound this with the humming of approaching spring, and it’s irresistible.

Lyon over at The Wandering Hearth recently made a reference to the television show “30 Days”.  On one of the episodes, the show’s creator goes to live on a Navajo reservation for 30 days, and learns to greet the morning every day.  I’ve always been drawn to and intrigued by Navajo spirituality, ever since I was a kid and read Tony Hillerman’s Navajo police mysteries.  The Beauty Way is … well … beautiful, and really speaks to me.

Something I’ve notice, in Pagan culture, is how often we look over the seas, back to Ireland, Greece, Rome, Egypt, Scandinavia, etc., for our ideals on spirituality.  I don’t have any problem with this, I’ve chose and been chosen by Gods and Goddesses from those cultures.  But we often seem to overlook the earth-born spirituality of the indigenous peoples of our own country.  This, of course, assuming you are in the United States.  We talk about honoring and worshipping nature, but we overlook the people that have been doing just that, in THIS natural environment, for time out of mind.  I often feel frustrated with the Celtic traditions as they pertain to Michigan.  I’m not going to find Rowan or Yew here.  I don’t live in a natural environment that supports that.  Were the Celts the only ones who had a line on the spirituality found in nature?  What about the Chippewa who used to live here.  Who would know better the spirits and practices of living in harmony with nature in the Saginaw Valley of Michigan, then they?  What did they used to practice?  What were their beliefs?  What trees, animals, etc, were sacred to them.  All I’m sure, but in what ways, etc.

I really want to find out more about what used to be (and may still be to some degree) practiced HERE.  Where I live and breathe.  I’m not forsaking other teachings, or giving up other Gods.  But what more meaningful and honest practice than to follow the path of nature in one’s OWN environment.  We brought our Gods and Goddesses to America, and overran the ones that existed here before us.  Wouldn’t it behoove us, as Pagans, to honor those that came before us in our localities?

I’m challenging myself to learn more about this.  To learn the ways of those that lived here before.  I adore the Navajo way, I love its teachings.  Now I want to find out more of the Chippewa.

I hope everybody’s mornings are filled with sunshine and positivity!

One of the scariest things to face, in terms of readiness, is the prospect of children. I don’t know that ANYBODY is ever truly ready to become a parent. There is really no way one can determine the readiness for this monumental step in life, as there is really nothing else that can come close to this situation in terms of prior experience. I don’t care if you were a day care provider, foster parent, or raised your brothers and sisters almost singlehandedly due to some tragedy or neglect on the part of your own parents. Nothing can ever truly prepare you for what it’s like to help create a life, and then be responsible for caring, nurturing and loving that life. There is no prior experience that is going to match that.

I knew that I always wanted to have kids. Whether it was because of the masculine urge to further my bloodline, or my nesting urge to be part of a family of my own, or what, I just knew that someday, I’d like to have kids. I wasn’t ready for my first one. In fact, at the time, I was looking for a way out of my marriage. I knew I wasn’t happy, I knew it was over, and I had decided to ask for a divorce. On the day I decided that, I went home to do the hard thing and admit it. My wife had big news too. She was pregnant. Wow. Timing. We could make it work though, and having a kid would help. *rolls eyes* I won’t get into all of that. The point is, for that point in my life, I was definitely not ready to have kids.

Fast forward two more years. Wife and I were still together, we had somehow managed to raise our son to the ripe old age of 2 and a half. Things were looking up. We were getting along a bit better, getting comfortable in our roles as parents. There was a lot wrong there, that again I’m not going to get into, as it’s not relevant to this topic. But. It was Christmas. We knew something was up. Pregnancy test. Pregnant. Merry Christmas! This time, we approached the news with a lot more joy and cheer. We hadn’t been planning a child, we really weren’t ready. But here one was coming, and we were happy to be blessed with one. Wouldn’t say we were READY though.

See, both times I’d been greeted with the news from her, both were times in our life of some of the greatest suffering. I would lose my job after the news of an impending child, about 2 months afterwards. She would then lose her job, or be unable to continue working. We would be sitting there with no income, no health insurance, barely managing to scrape bills together, personal issues between us still growing and whatnot (though that wasn’t as clear at the time), and … here we were, about to bring CHILDREN into that. We weren’t ready.

Would I go back and change all that? I really don’t think so. Despite not being ready for either of my children, since they’ve been in my life, I wouldn’t really trade them for anything. To this day, I still don’t feel like I’m ready to be a father, at least not a good one. But, it didn’t matter if I was ready, or not. It happened, and I was thrust into it. So I try to be the best damn father I CAN be, and am always trying to be better, because… ready or not, I’m living it.

The same holds true with when my wife and I finally did split. I wasn’t ready or even really looking that hard to get out, though I understand now to a degree I was. I was still involved in actively trying to hold us together. I knew I was unhappy, I knew I would have rather been alone, but … we had kids together, we were married, we took vows, and I wasn’t ready to face the cold hard reality that we were done. Had been for quite some time. I wasn’t ready to put the work into saying goodbye, and walking away. And I sure as hell wasn’t ready for somebody new to enter my life, somebody that would turn out to be my truest soulmate in every sense of the word, and the woman I had always been searching for. Not ready at all. Timing. Ugh. When I realized that’s exactly what had happened though, I panicked. HARD. I had a complete and utter breakdown on the spot, and I wasn’t quite right for a long time afterwards. Some days I still feel the ripples of that day.

I think we can spend a lot of time in our lives helping ourselves out by becoming more ready to face the challenges in front of us. I think that’s a good, and responsible attitude. If somebody doesn’t WANT children, for example, then there are options available to avoid conception in the first place. And there are options available that I may or may not agree with in all cases, to end an unexpected one. But despite that, sometimes, the Gods don’t give a SHIT whether we’re ready or not, don’t care about the precautions we take, and things happen anyways. I take some small comfort in that. I may not feel ready for whatever life throws my way, but the Gods have enough faith in me to decide I AM ready, or they wouldn’t throw things my way in the first place. Sometimes they decide that I’m ready, despite all the evidence to the contrary. It’s like a giant game of hide and seek. Ready or not, here it comes.

I don’t think that life works in such a way that we’re only able to tackle things when we’re ready. Without a prior experience, you’ll never know if you are truly ready or not. How can one EVER be ready for the unknown? Being ready is all about preparing, of making sure that all your bases are covered, dotting all your i’s and crossing all you t’s, revising, rough draft/final draft, and all that. But when dealing with an unknown, you can’t be. Readiness is reading the strategy guide cover to cover, memorizing the instructions, and maybe even picking up a couple of cheat codes, before playing the game. Life is being thrown into the game with no strategy guide, no instruction manual, one life, and no save points.

When the Gods give me something I don’t feel I am ready for, my first instinct is to fight. Fight the situation, fight the Gods, fight to stand stock-stubborn still and wait until I AM ready. The thing is though, there are times when I don’t know that I’ll EVER be ready for what is being thrown my way. And through time, I’ve learned to fight less, and go with the flow more. So what if I’m not ready? It’s HERE, it’s NOW. It’s happening, and there’s no stopping it. It’s been decided that I have something in my life to face, ready or not. The only thing I can do at that point is soldier bravely on, and do my best. Maybe that means sucking it up and being the best dad I can be, no matter how much I’d rather be trotting across the globe, waking up in strange and exotic ports every day, or partying with the guys. Maybe it means having to face some of the hardest and most painful things I’ve ever had to do, not just to others, but for myself included. Maybe it means opening myself up to somebody else, before I’ve fully let go of who was there before. To me, it means acknowledging what is in my path, and accepting it for what it is. Ready or not, it’s here, and I’m at least ready to give it all my full self.

I see life like this, and to me, it goes hand in hand with what I’ve been led to understand is one of the keys of Paganism. We talk of turning the wheel. Of being TRUE witches. Of not only taking the time to mark the sabbats, working intent when needed. But also, of doing the hard parts. The daily chores. The parts that are less than savory, less than glamorous, the cold, hard, thankless parts that hurt us and take their toll. To quote a favorite series of mine, The wheel weaves as the wheel wills. Pagan life doesn’t only happen on a full moon, or a sabbat, or when we’re looking for it, or those rare numinous times where Deity directly touches us. It happens every day, in a thousand little ways. The wheel turns, with or without us, and it’s up to us to at least be ready to DEAL with what the wheel spits out at us, even if we’re not ready for whatever that may be. To me, Paganism has spoke to me so strongly, because we stand ready to deal with whatever that is, come what may, with strength, conviction, and willing to give the best of ourselves to that. Paganism is not a path of excuses, of doubt, of hiding or running. Paganism is a path of action, empathy, and choices. Of making choices, decisions, and dealing with the consequences. Ready or not. And always giving our BEST.

Are you ready?

Most people anymore, when they hear the words “masculine”, “male” or “men”, have associations of the fallen male. The one given to excess, to rowdiness, to coarse and disrespectful behavior, the rapist, the misogynist, the uncouth. As sad as it makes me, that does indeed seem to be the case with a large number of men. Perhaps this is the masculinity society has come to expect. Turn on the tv and watch any commercial dealing with a male/female interaction, and by and large we’re portrayed as bumbling brutes, stupid and juvenile, self-absorbed. This is the message we’re sending the future generations of men. “You are stupid, nobody expects you to do more than watch Nascar, drink beer, grill out, and be an insensitive prick. Live it up, you can be a little boy forever.” Ok… so maybe that’s what masculinity is viewed as now. Maybe it’s what we’ve come to expect from the ill-fitted representatives of this gender. We take the weakest denominator, and make it the standard to base all men off of.

What I wanted to talk about though, is the DIVINE masculine. The ideal. The masculinity that many of us embrace and embody, try to live and emulate. A masculinity that has been handed down to us by REAL men, the so-called good ones that everybody wants to believe in, but we’re all too jaded to see. Divinity is something we aspire towards, and instead of brushing it under the rug so we can nurse our feelings of injustice at the hands of the fallen male, we should be embracing it, and using that as the example of what we should aspire towards. Gus had a good point that we’ve turned the masculine into a gelded male. A male that embraces all the feminine qualities, while denying himself the more uncomfortable aspects of masculinity. This isn’t right either. It’s just honoring the feminine under a different guise, it in fact, tells us that it’s NOT OK to be male. And that’s not what the divine masculine is about. The divine masculine isn’t a Horned God that has been castrated and put out to pasture. The divine masculine IS masculine, in raw, concentrate form. When one confronts that form, one often experiences a rising panic, terror, an almost unbearable galloping of the heart that makes the blood pound, and you know, even AS a masculine male, it can be pretty intimidating.

I’m getting off track. What exactly does masculinity mean? What is the ideal then, if not a gentle male that does what it’s told and denies itself?

In the interests of a little background, I have never really fit into the mold of tthe “typical” male that society likes to present us. I was never “one of the guys.” I didn’t ever really get the strong attraction to sports, to the point of forming strong connections with certain teams, treating statistics and accomplishments as quasi-religions. I never really chased every girl I could, anxious to sleep with anybody with a pretty face or give myself that way without love. I have to admit that while the idea of casual sex is definitely arousing, the reality of it leaves me feeling cold and empty. I am not afraid of commitment, I welcome it. I get along better with women, even if a pretty face can leave me tongue tied and babbling. I’m shy, though I try not to let it show. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions show, and they are strong. Growing up, that was a source of amusement for others brought up to conform the societal standard of maledom. I learned to hide my emotions as well. I embraced my feminine side, and shunned my masculine, finding the definition of it unappealing, ashamed. Then one day, Herne found me, and I opened my eyes.

To any of those reading, that have had chance to come face-to-face with Herne, or Cernunnos (to me they are one in the same), you probably know that his presense is prefaced with a rising sense of unease, or fear, or even panic.  There is so much power there, so much raw essense, that one finds it hard to remain open, the urge to cover ones eyes or turn away or close off can be overwhelming.  It is hard to face him.  He is powerful, awesome and awe-inspiring.  He is sexual, and confident, and he can make your blood boil and your knees quiver.  There are no filters to the raw, concentrated maleness of him, and it is intimidating.  It is terrifying.  But it is never threatening.  While in his glory he may appear strongly, he also has love and compassion, and can be comforting.  He merely IS, as fully as can be, there are no filters to what he is or what he has to say.  He can be cold, and hard, and what he has to say can be brutal, but it’s not delivered with malice or contempt.  He merely acknowledges things as they are, and deals with them as such.  In my experience he isn’t one to mince words, or go into long diatribes, but instead gets to the point, quickly and honestly, using as few words as possible.   He is confident, serene, full of purpose, of passion, possessed of poise, comfort in himself, determined and resolute.  Not for him are the vague answers or broad general sweeping statements, but fact, cold, hard, uncut.  He is the hunter, and he is the hunted.  He has understanding of his quarry, compassion and even love, and as such is successful in his endeavors.  He is able to also strike when the need is true, without fear or hesitation.  He will strike true, swiftly and with grim purpose, if the need is required, with the same compassion and love.  And compassion and love aren’t always fluffy bunny rabbits and rainbows.  Sometimes that compassion and love are the stern words, the hard expression, the no nonsense, unfiltered truth, with no punches pulled.  He is animal, he is man, he is God, and he’s not an easy God to face.

So, that’s all well and good, but still … what IS masculinity? It’s more than a set of external and frequently unreliable organs. It’s more than copious body hair and strong musky odors. That’s just a physiological description. To me, masculinity is raw. It’s a driving force, a terrible sense of purpose and power, but with compassion and love behind that power to guide it. Masculinity carries with it an undeniable sexual urge.  Masculinity is the courage and compassion to be master over ones’ self, to exercise self control, to be able to follow through with purpose, conviction and determination.  It carries with it great responsibility, for masculinity is also passionate and violent.  When the moment comes there exists a power that can explode with blinding intensity, and this is where a lot of us fall down.  It can be very difficult to control, but it is there.  It’s part of the package, and as such, is beautiful, when used correctly, not something to be ashamed of.  It is something that is held in reserve for when it is needed.  The fear comes from so many lacking that self control.  Masculinity is visual and visceral, it’s very hands on, it exists more clearly in one’s outward actions than in one’s emotions.  This doesn’t discount the emotional aspects, we still feel, strongly and deeply.  But divine masculinity rises above that with the strength and courage to operate and do what is right despite those distractions.  It is about action, about being present.  It is also warm, and loving.  Masculinity is not afraid to commit, masculinity THRIVES on commitment, becomes itself more so through the act.  It nurtures, it loves, it protects and provides.  The urge to protect and provide is essential to masculinity, because of the depth and breadth of the  roots of commitment  and love it possesses.  The masculine is a lover, a husband, and a father.  Masculinity is also open, and honest.  It is forthwright, and unfiltered in its attempts to communicate.  The masculine strives to tell things as they are, plainly, without metaphor or worry of how it will be perceived.  This can be hard to handle, by any of us, but it is also essential at times.   Masculinity is not afraid to show emotion, or passion, but is also tempered by practicality.  It is not afraid to take control when necessary.  Masculinity has both a love of creation, and a love of destruction.  Both at times are necessary.  The masculine is not afraid of getting dirty, of standing knee deep in mud, or burying arms inside the bloody warm body of a slain animal, to remove the organs and harvest the meat when needed.  Masculinity does what HAS to be done, silently, quietly, humbly, without complaint.  Masculinity also thrives on recognition, on praise and thanks for the sacrifice of the hard job done, though it doesn’t expect any in return.

Ideally, this is masculinity, as I see it, even if I feel like I still haven’t explained it well enough.  So many powerful tools it possesses, and so many chances for us to misuse them.  Without our love and compassion, masculinity has a greater potential to be brutal and destructive.  With the love and compassion, it is a duality of seeming opposides, working together to become more divine.  To be able to destroy to create, instead of creating to destroy.  To be able to be cold enough to live as we must beyond our most fevered emotions.  To be tender enough to love fully, while being savage enough to love honestly.